50. Happy Birthday Dove!

Well, other husbands may give roses, or spa coupons, or wonton feral jungle passion, but here's a song I wrote for you.

I came up with it a bit after my last song for you, but I didn't know how I would have it arranged. So I sent it to Debs who did a piano rendition. She added a chord in for me which I kept. Then I got busy. Last week I got Jeff in, and he played around with it on his guitar, and I would have recorded it, but my Fasttrack was acting up.

So this past weekend, I got Mark to come in with his Emu, and we recorded an acoustic guitar and a bass. Of course, he had to get back for dinner party, so we couldn't spend a wack of time on it. And that night, I invited people over for boardgames, so I couldn't spend lots of time on the vocals.

So I sent the rough draft to Andrew to do drums. He returned it to me at 2am in the morning, poor guy . Of course, it wasn't a separate track, but the whole song, with my tinny, out of tune vocals.

So... that is my excuse for this song. But I still like it. :D

I love you.




No One Wants Me Anyway

You had guys they were heart throbs
You loved them but they did too
Proclaimed their love but lacked faithfulness
How many did you go through?

But you gave up on the alpha male
And chose me a guy ignored
Gave me a chance I'm not half bad
Despite the fact I seem hardcore


You will never have to worry
No one ever looks my way
I will remain true and steadfast
No one wants me anyway

I will always be with you
True and faithful I will be
Our lives are intertwined forever
No one else would have me
So you'll have all of me


We were just friends, my lot in life
About your boys you would confide
I'd hear complaints, they were boorish
Had no commitment, or they lied

But you knew I wouldn't do that
Took a while for this admission
What's there to lose, except your dignity.
It's not like you'd have competition


No one gives me second glances
No one will steal me away
I'll stick by you, I'm here forever
No one wants me anyway

I will always be with you
True and faithful I will be
Our lives are intertwined forever
No one else will have me

So you'll have all of me.

49. How I Met Dove

People ask me this question. So I've made this video. And I haven't come home yet, and Dove is probably wondering where I am. Sorry Dove. But I wanted to get this out before August was out so it looks like I at least try to follow the monthly posts.

48. I Love You But I'm Ugly

I was in the bathroom doing Number 1 while a canto-pop song pulsed through the speakers. And I came up with a song. An actual original song. But then we went Ottawa, and I had no recording equipment or even a computer to figure out words or anything. It was brutal trying to remember the song. I was hoping to make it sound a bit canto-poppy, but it went through a variety of iterations and in the end, I thought I should make it sound like an 80's song, because that's just me. Garageband is great, it's like made to make 80's songs.

I was going to pull in some other musicians to help me, but I just wanted to get it done so I completed it in about four hours. It would have been quicker if I wasn't watching Bill Cosby youtube vids at the same time.

I Love You But I'm Ugly

MP3 Download


All was pretty simple
Got used to being rejected
Life in parent's basement
Was a fate I'd accepted

And then I met you
So lovely and kind
Gave me the time of day
Took me by surprise

I love you, but I'm ugly
Can't talk to girls, else they'd mace me.
I love you, but I'm ugly
Thanks for the lovely smile.

They said that I was too nice
They said I made a great friend and brother
They'd hang up if I'd call them
I was a nuisance and bother

But I talked to you
No furtive glances to your watch
I talked to you
The furthest I have ever got

I love you, but I'm ugly
I'd wear a burqa, to hide what you see
I love you, but I'm ugly
Thanks for the lovely talk.

Would try to ask a girl out
Be embarrassed by their derision
They say that love is blind.
But girls I met had 20/20 vision

And then I met you
I didn't even understand
Why you'd be with me
You'd even let me hold your hand

I love you, but I'm ugly
Don't even know how you could face me
I love you, but I'm ugly
Thanks just for being there

I love you, but I'm butt ugly
Shocked by your kindness, you smiled at me
I know I love you, and I'm homely
I'm glad you have bad taste.
And here I found my perfect place
Thanks for your love and grace

47. Alone: Day 7 - Almost there. Stay on Target

July, Thursday.  10:52

As I mentioned before, the Disselkoens packed me a lunch because they are aware that I am pathetic without you.  It was corn.  And steak.  I love that family.

You come home tomorrow.  

I just finished my thursday ritual of playing DS games with Dan.   You know what he said when he first came in?  Do you know what he said?  What he said garners a bolding and italicizing, although I draw the line at all-caps.  He said, "I see you've been cleaning up."  This is important because I didn't start cleaning up the living room.  Just goes to show, that men don't notice mess.  In fact, if there is only one or two articles of things on the floor, then that's considered clean.

So when the guys come over for boardgames, or video games, or meat, remember that the house is fine as it is!  Honest!  When they enter the house, the last thing that enters their head is, "I sure wish this place was cleaner."  The first thing that enters their head when they come in is probably, "Wow, Errol sure has a hot wife." 

I probably should explain a few more things in the blog before you come home, just in case you read this before I get home.  So, the compost bucket has been sitting in it's little pool of bleach for the last few days, so I couldn't use it.  Thus, those buns that Anne gave you are still in that plastic container.  I didn't want to take them out, because that probably would have made things worse for the buns.  Or at least worse for me.  I didn't want to leave them in a bag, because the bags are not transparent, and thus if anything were to start... uh... moving in, I wouldn't notice it until later.  And I don't want that to happen.  Yet again.

But if they were trapped inside a plastic container, then I could see!  And then I could put them in a plastic bag, and then repopulate the freezer with dead bodies.  See?  It all makes sense.

So the buns have been slowly growing in that container.  Dan came over and was pretty disgusted by the buns.  Then just to check out how I was faring, he checked the coffee machine too. 

Am I under adjudication or something?  Was there a test I was unaware of?  Why are we checking all these things?

Ya, he was pretty grossed out by the coffee machine too.  I say Bailey's cures all.  I didn't have any yesterday.  Didn't have any today.  I think I'm in withdrawal.  

Some woman keeps on calling about Ekko's evaluation thing.  Oh, and Paul Grant called too.  So... check the messages.  I know I'll forget to tell you when I finally get to see you guys.

Other than that, things have been uneventful.  You come back tomorrow, and I have survived.  It's been a good week.  But I'm lonely.

I love you, and I'll see you tomorrow.  Can't wait to spank the kids.

46. Alone: Day 6 - Steak over boardgames

Wednesday. July. 11pm

You know, dates don't stick with me very well. When I watch a movie, or play an adventure game, and they scroll the date across the screen because it's important, I immediately forget the date. When I was playing Phoenix Wright, I knew it was October of some date, but I never knew exactly. So I'd forget if the murder was yesterday, or the day before. These were crucial facts in the case.

It's like some mental block I have. Maybe it's because I couldn't get any dates in high school. Nor in university. Not that we have to revisit that.

I hope I have underwear tomorrow. I'm running low on that too.

I forgot to mention that I remembered garbage day yesterday. That means our bugs finally went to a better place. At least, a better place for me, not for them.

Oh, I woke up quite late this morning. It was about 8:40. I took a shower in about 8 minutes. That's *really* good for me. And then I biked to work immediately. That meant no breakfast, no lunch making, no house cleaning.

... Seems there's never any time for housecleaning.

But there is a happy ending to this story! Work bought lunch and it was Thai food. I don't know why they bought lunch, but I'm not one for questioning gifts and I heartily ate the food.

I've been doing a good job at keeping the weight down too! What with eating soup every day. But today, that pattern was broken, because of the Thai food, and the Disselkoens fed me steak. In fact, they had lots of it, and packed a lunch for me.

Now, do I really sound that pitiful and incompetent?

...

Of course, I *am* quite happy about the steak, and food. So... sure. I'm geek enough to admit that I fail at life. Feed me meat.

I need a sign. "Please feed the geek. He likes crackers, apples, and steak."

I think about you a lot, you know. And just to prove it, here is a transcript that I had with tech support. I love tech support chats now. Instead of waiting on hold on a telphone, you can wait on a chat screen. And the best thing is, they're usually quick! Just tonight, I was on with Rogers for a password reset, and it was quick and easy.

Of course, the one at work took a long time to come on. So I used that time to talk. About me. And you. Well, ok, mostly about me. But you do want to know what I do at work sometimes.

Oh cool, that blockquote thingy shows up in facebook import. Wild.

Hmmm, that got a couple red underlines for misspelling. That reminds me of Ekko. I miss you girls. *sigh*

Anyway, here's the transcript. This is why I like tech support chats so much:

Errol: Still cannot log into admin console
* Welcome Errol! Your request has been directed to the Hosted Exchange Support department. Please wait for our operator to answer your call.
* **SYSTEM MESSAGE** We are sorry, all of our Agents are currently assisting other customers - Please wait until the next Agent becomes available and accepts your chat request. You do not need to remain on this window if an Agent does not become available within the next few minutes. You may close this window at any time, and a Support Engineer will contact you at the phone number and/or email address provided when you requested this chat session.

Errol: Oh well, while I wait, I'll explain the problem. :)
Errol: I'm trying to log into the admin console.
Errol: I'm in IE 7.
Errol: Yesterday, I get the error as indicated by the file I uploaded. It's a white prompt box, with no indication what the error is.
Errol: I log onto customer support chat, and wait for a few hours. Nothing. So I try again a few hours later, and it works! Good!
Errol: Then I try to log on this morning, and I get the same problem. White box.
Errol: So I log onto customer support chat, and someone is there, Huzzah! His name is Chester (am), and he has a nice pic on the header graphic. That's pretty brave if you ask me. I'm glad I'm not part of a support team which has to show your pic. People would run if they saw mine.
Errol: Anyway, he tells me to install the proper java. I acquiesce, despite the fact that I despise java and I need to have multiple versions of the thing for the variety of java applets that companies seem to run and they all think you need THEIR specific version of Java.
Errol: It's like .NET. That's why I despise .NEt. I don't want to install an 80 meg program so that I can get a 1 meg program to work... unless I used an older version of .NET.
Errol: Heck, Delphi can do it without any .dlls, why can't Microsoft do it?
Errol: At least with flash, everything is backwards compatible, and you just load the latest version and things WORK.
Errol: Speaking of Adobe, the latest reader is such a bloated piece of software it drives me mad just thinking about it. I want to read a pdf, I don't want it to play songs and dance for me. Why in the world is it so large?
Errol: ....
Errol: Sorry, I am digressing in a big way.
Errol: Anyway, I DO install the latest Java, that he sent me a link to, off of your website, and I uninstall the old java (1.4 because I needed it for another application, as I've ranted) and this of course requires me to reboot. I hate java.
Errol: (Woops, wrong order. I uninstall, reboot, and then reinstall. Don't want to make you guys think I did it in the wrong order and do the whole process again.)
Errol: And unfortuneatly, I get the same problem. Try to log in, and white blank screen.
Errol: ...
Errol: I wept.
Errol: ...
Errol: And thus concludes my sordid tale.
Errol: ...
Errol: I like customer support chats. Mailny because I don't have to wait on the phone. I hate the phone too.
Errol: I never answer the phone now. The phone world has been taken over by telemarketers. So I never answer it at dinner time. But they've clued in. Sometimes, they call at breakfast.
Errol: Around 8:45am. What's up with that? Don't they know some people WORK at 9:00?
Errol: Of course, why am I still at home at 8:45? Because it's a short commute.
Errol: And I bought an electric bike. It's brilliant. I only have about 8km to go and it was a waste of very expensive gas to drive, so I bought a cheap electric bike at Canadian Tire.
Errol: You don't even need to pedal. Of course, I need the exercise, but it's not a way for me to get fit; it's an alternative transport device.
Errol: And it is perfect for that. Since it takes about $80 CAD to fill up my vehicle, I finally decided to stop driving the thing.
Errol: And I also charge the bike at work, so I don't even use my electricity. I'm that cheap. It lasts for 30km. Even during the weekend, I don't charge it. :D
Errol: ...
Errol: But the van is being used by my fam currently. They went up north on vacation. So I'm currently wifeless and kidless for almost a week.
Errol: My days have consisted of working, eating soup, and playing games.
Errol: Video games, boardgames. It's been pretty sweet.
Errol: A descent into geek bachelorhood of the most awful proportions.
Errol: It's been lonely though, like high school all over again. But at least this time I'm not spurned by the oppositie sex. Well... that's not true. I AM spurned, but I'm not trying to get noticed by them this time.
Errol: So soon my girl will return home and the magic sink will hopefully start working again.
Errol: It broke. Coincidentally with my wife's departure. I think she broke it on purpose.
Errol: ...
Errol: I hope you guys haven't forgotten what my problem was. I need to get in because I have to change an alias for a client.
Errol: ...
Errol: *sigh*
Errol: ...
Errol: Here's another question. The only reason I ever go into IE7 is for your admin console. Can I use Firefox 3 instead now? Or am I stuck with IE7.
Errol: I could rant about IE and microsoft more, but that's like bombing fish in a bucket.
Errol: ...
Errol: Just for fun, I'll try logging in again. Just to see if it starts working.
Errol: ...
Errol: Nope...
Errol: Why can't it at least have an obscurely worded error message hinting that a possible solution is in sight? It may have nothing to do with what is actually wrong, but at least I can google it... and verify the only thing I need to do is wait for customer support.
Errol: *sigh*
Errol: ...
Errol: I'm trying to win "Most Words Typed in Customer Support Chat" Award.
Errol: If I win, I hope to get a asus eeepc.
Errol: I like to write, and this would be perfect for writing sessions.
Errol: (See what I did there?)
Errol: ...
Errol: Just saw Josh Whedon's "Dr. Horrible" last night.
Errol: Seems every geek is wanting to see this thing. Server was overloaded. I found a message about changing the local host file.
Errol: Of course, I've done it on a *nix box, and a PC, but never on a mac, which is my home machine.
Errol: And although I like how Macs just work, if your used to just editing a simple host file, doing it with their networkmanager.app thingy is pretty convoluted.
Errol: Not that hard... but... I just wanted to VI something quickly.
* Call accepted by Giannina.
Errol: Regardless, it worked, and I got to see what all the fuss was about. And I liked it! It's funny. I wouldn't pay...
Giannina: Hello, it will be my pleasure to assist you today. Please give me just a few seconds while I pull your account information and we will get started! Just a moment please.
Errol: Uh oh... you're here...
Errol: Uh... ignore all that up there...
Giannina: give me some time to read your input please :-)
Errol: Allo Giannina!
Giannina: oh ok
Errol: I'm trying to log into the Admin Console
Errol: I get the error as indicated by the file I uploaded.
Errol: Which... is no error at all.
Giannina: I saw that
Errol: I had the problem yesterday...and it went away
Errol: and then I had the problem again today
Giannina: question , what version of Java are you using?
Errol: I spoke to Chester (am).
Errol: And he told me to put in the version of Java on mailstreet's server
Giannina: correct that is your best option
Errol: SO I uninstalled the old version I had (for another app)
Giannina: ok
Errol: which of course required a reboot
Errol: *sigh*
Giannina: ok
Errol: and then installed the latest version
Errol: And I get the same error
Errol: ...
Errol: and much weeping occurred after that.
Errol: So I came back here!
Errol: And you don't have a pic up! Unlike Chester (am)
Errol: He had his pic up. :D
Giannina: :-) yes I know
Errol: That would be daunting, having your pic displayed for tech support.
Errol: I wouldn't want that. :D
Errol: So if you can choose NOT to have your pic up. That would be my default choice!
Giannina: me neither
Errol: Those two are brave men.
Giannina: lol
Errol: There was another guy for (PM)
Errol: I forgot his name, because I only talked to Chester (AM)
Errol: Anyway, back to my problem.
Errol: I just want to log in to fix a problem with an alias...
Giannina: well I'll be happy to fix your issue
Errol: Huzzah!
Errol: ... Did you need anything from me to fix the problem?
Giannina: not yet
Errol: Okeydoke...
Errol: ...
Errol: I can chat to myself some more if that helps pass the time.
Errol: ... for me that is.
Errol: I'm kidding. I'll wait quietly.
 

45. Alone: Day 5 - A taste of spice in a bland diet

July Tuesday, 12am

I am now the master of the TTC. The stranglehold of fear the Toronto Transit...er.. thingy had over me has been vanquished. All it took was a little time, a little care, and the determination to get to games.

Last night was gaming night at Aaron's, which was great because I haven't gone for about 3 weeks.

For all three of you that are reading these accounts, I don't play games every day! ... Well, I don't play boardgames every day, unlike the last 4 days. And today. Nor do I drink Bailey's every night. Unlike the last 4 nights.

And tonight.

I had three glasses of the stuff. Straight. On ice. Which is nothing like Disney on ice. Less princesses.

Remember, these are pitiful coping mechanisms of a man fighting for survival against the forces of chaos in an uncaring and lonely world. Forces which his wife, armed only with competence and a keen, but beautiful mind, was able to vanquish day after day as the onslought continued.

Well, I guess if they were vanquished, they wouldn't come back. But this is a blog, not a literary masterpiece.

Lunch was cabbage soup. Supper was ramen noodle soup. No breakfast though. I didn't wake up early enough to get breakfast ready. The soy milk is running low, so I can't make oatmeal. I don't even know how to make it, actually. Yes, there are only two ingredients, but you have a touch that makes it good. I have a touch that makes it burned.

No one drank any of my Bailey's at games night. They're all young and hip over there. I show up in my workshirt with food stains. But I am a geek and I am proud.

Remember at the end of Empire Strikes back? Luke, hanging on for dear life off the bottom of cloud city, hand cut off, melodramatic and over acting. He is eventually rescued by Leia. But it's not over yet, it's only the 2nd in the trilogy. Poor Han is frozen in carbonite and captured by Boba Fett, but there is hope! Luke and Leia stare wistfully out into a star studded galaxy as the camera pans back to reveal the Rebel fleet.

No AT-AT's, though... but we got those at the beginning of the movie. AT-AT's are cool.

Anyway, the point is that this is a comparison to your phone call. I finally got a chance to talk to you, talk to Ekko, and not to Zoe because she was busy eating.

You told me of all the young and nubile men that are vying for your affection. I told you that the bird is on life support.

You did tell me of sausages though. I was quite pleased. The Case of the Mysterious Tinfoiled Package in the Freezer had been a tough one to crack. It had been bothering me for days. It was you who had the foresight to remember what was in it. And the mystery was solved! It was like the Hardy Boys. Well, you're female, so maybe more like the when the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew teamed up. Minus one guy. Which is good, because we'd be fighting over you.

Like the kids fight over the DS.

You know, there was a first iteration of this. I lost it in the great Safari crash of '08. This version is much, much, longer. I think I talked more about Star Wars in the last one. And rice.

I love you.




Well, what do you know! Here is the original note! I guess I didn't lose it after all. Since I spent a half an hour writing it, I'll include it here for fun. For the rest of you, don't read it. It's just a reiteration of the above. It just has more rice in it.

July Tuesday, 12am

I am the master of the Toronto Transit C... uh... what does the C stand for? Anyway, I used it tonight, and will use it tomorrow. I went to our chinese convenient store, bought some tickets, found out that they expire in a month, and then used a ticket to get on a bus.

I knew which bus to take! And I didn't get lost. It took me to the subway station, and instead of actually following the rote path I normally take when driving, I ignored caution as I do most commands you give me dealing with cleaning, and boldly got off at a different station.

Sure, I was disoriented, but I was not beaten! And I arrived at... yet another game night.

Er... I don't want to paint the wrong picture. It's not every day I play games. I mean, not every day other than the last five days. This is called a coping mechanism to deal with the fact the love of my life is off in the wilderness fending off wild men yearning for the chance to finally be alone with my wife.

And what does she have to worry about? That I feed the fish. Hardly fair, if you ask me.

Crums. Did I do that today? I think I did.

You called. A drop of sunshine in a dark foreboding pool of gloom. It's like when Luke is about to fall out of cloud city, but is rescued by Leia and Calrissian. It's not the end of the series, and Han Solo is frozen in carbonite and has been captured by Boba Fett, but there is a glimmer of hope as the heroes stare wistfully into the galaxy on the medical frigate.

I'm not looking wistfully at anything, but I am hungry. I just had ramen noodle soup for supper.

Fortunately, you called and told me about sausages. That's good to know. I fear making rice.

Rice gets me into trouble. It's rising in price, it seems to be a veritable breeding place for all sorts of moldy goodness, and it makes bathroom times a tad bit more difficult than it should be.

So the rice pot is sitting in the dish washer. I put pots in there too. Is there a reason we don't put pots in dish washers? We rarely do and I don't know why. Is it like not putting metal in microwaves? I doubt the effects would be as disastrous, but still . It's one of those things about kitchen survival that I am unaware of.

Oh, yes, I was going to tell you about my day. I worked, at soup, and played games.

I did drink bailey's too. Had it straight. In fact, had about 3 glasses of the stuff. Small glasses. With ice cubes. No one at Aaron's house wanted to drink any. I must be a really big loser in their eyes. Who brings Bailey's to games night? Other than me, for the last four days.

Good thing we have three bottles of the stuff. This is the most alcohol I've consumed in my life. You come back, I'm an alcoholic.

44. Alone: Day 4 - Really Tired

July Monday, 12am.

Went to the freezer. My brain, atrophied by lack of Dove, still recalls a comment about buns in the freezer.

The cucumber stash is still plentiful, but I have no buns. Not that I could see.

My bugs were in the freezer. The bugs from two days ago when I sentenced them all to a sordid and gruesome death. But no buns. Thus no cucumber sandwiches for lunch.

Cabbage soup rations are a third full, so I used that for my lunch today. No cucumbers. I also ran out of cream at work, which means no coffee for tomorrow. There is no joy in Mudville.

My search for buns, however, was not a loss. It clued me in to the fact that freezers contain things other than dead bodies. It contains food. Frozen food that were daily staples back in the days without Dove. I barely remember those days, but it did have something to do with me heating food up in ovens. And playing games. There was a lot of that.

So I found some chicken strips. I think they're old. But they were good.

I cancelled my DDR night with Thebes because Mags and Mike invited me over for games. Wouldn't you know it, Thebes was actually available for the night. Ah well.

Mike picked me up and I brought Agricola and Baileys. The Baileys were a hit. I bring Baileys everywhere I go now. I'm going to get a lot more invites if I start doing that regularly. Agricola was a hit too, but not as much as the Baileys.

When I got home, I finally got a call from you. I wasn't here. I'm sad.

I did feed the bird though. The food tray was empty, that bird sure was hungry.

You arrive in four more days. I miss my girls. Of course, that only gives me four days to clean up.

Hmmmm....

I'm running out of bleach. I sure hope that wasn't a full bottle. Is bleach expensive? I hope not.

43. Alone: Day 3 - Not Much Changes

Sunday. July. You're still gone. 9:00pm

I'm tired. I should have gotten more sleep.

Good thing I had to play at church, else it may have been a repeat of yesterday and who knows what else I could have found.

I had cabbage soup. I can't tell how much is there or if it will last me, but I'm positive.

Dan and I went to see a movie. We'll probably see more as the week plays out.

Afterward, Matt came over and we played more games.

Have I mentioned that they are starting to get into trouble with their wives? I am the big unproductive hole sucking them away from a normal lifestyle. I am fast sinking into a cesspit of debauchery and dragging other married men with me.

Matt and I then went to Mimi's for some dinner. It was nummy and didn't add to the pile that was gathering in the magic sink.

I've given up on that sink, though. I took the dishes and I put them into that big white thing you always tell me to put dirty dishes in. Now they're out of sight and the compost bucket can sit in it's little bleach pool I made for it the night before.

Every day I feed the bleach pool more bleach.

Crap, that reminds me I'm supposed to feed animals. Like fish. Bother, did I feed them yesterday? I should read the blog and see if I did.

...

Nope. I just played games apparently. Crums.

The bird has been awfully quiet as of late. I wonder if it's dead.

...

Oh good, it's still moving. When I prodded it at least. Now I just realized, I don't know how much to feed the fish. No amount was given. And since the number of fish seem to be variable from any given week as you kill and buy new ones, I never know what a proper dose of food is.

Oh well, it should be fine. I'm awfully tired. I wish you'd call. I miss you.

42. Alone: Day 2 - Descent into barbarism

Saturday, July, 12:30am

I went to bed very late.

Quite late. And I woke up late. A lot later than what the children would normally allow.

Then it was hours of unadulterated gaming. Yes, I could do work. But I didn't.

Not wanting to be a complete unwashed anti-social recluse, I called Matt. He offered dinner and games.

So in all, I ate and played games. If a future observer wished a brief synopsis on my life and just so happened on this day to observe, he would have witnessed a very sad existence.

That, my dear wife, is my life without you.

And it gets worse.

I come home around 12am. I put Bailey's in my coffee at Matt's house, so I'm a bit tired. The magic sink continued to be broken. In fact, I think it went out and started collecting dishes.

And the compost bucket? Well, it too had friends over.

I was thoroughly disgusted. But... not undaunted.

Now in video games, if you are ever attacked by bugs, or small insects, you could hit them with your magic sword and they would be vanquished!

In real life, if you kill any animal, it stays there. Quite disconcerting especially if it happened to be a mouse in a far away corner of your house.

I don't have a magic sword. And if I did, all I would have accomplished was a lowering of its resale value.

I had bleach though. Normally not a plot device utilized by fantasy authors, but I used half the bottle. I sure hope you don't need bleach any time soon, because I wanted to make sure that those bugs were really clean.

And then, I wrapped it up in five bags of plastic bags.

And then a garbage bag.

And because I didn't want them festering in the green bin, I decided a cryogenic death was in order. So they're in the freezer experiencing a slow but not painful death. Unless I underestimated their ability to withstand subzero temperatures.

It's only day two, and already life's taken a downturn.

41. Alone: Day 1 - Morale is sinking

July something, 1:00 am.

My first day while you are gone away with the kids.

My friends left, and now I am alone in the house. Boardgames are strewn haphazardly about the house as if no one had given thought to what the wife would say.

This morning, I made myself a cucumber sandwich for lunch, and cooked an egg in a basket for breakfast. It was raining, and my butt was very soaked when I biked in to work, but I had the foresight to bring an extra pair of clothes.

Supper went well. I heated up two bowls of cabbage soup and played the DS at the same time. Rations are still high.

The magic sink is broken, though. Normally, I would put the dishes in the sink, and when I came home, the magic sink cleaned them. Didn't work today.

I found your note about feeding the fish and the bird. It gave very specific instructions for the fish: once per day. That I could handle. The second set of instructions were for the bird, and it said: feed twice. That caused a whole host of confusion. Feed twice per day? Feed twice throughout the week? Make sure it eats twice? I was stuck with the ambiguity. I remembered our last bird went for days without eating. It of course is dead now, but it did last a long time sans food. I hope this latest bird is a bit more hardy.

People came to the house for boardgames. We talked about you. And sex. Dan talked about sex non stop. But not in relation to you. Fortunately.

The house is quite messy now. I had trouble finding a bowl for my soup. The magic cupboard had bowls, but not today.

Now I'm alone. I was chatting on Facebook with Erinn, and then she went offline. I don't even know why, I wasn't talking about geek things... oh wait. I was talking about boardgames.

Tomorrow I have nothing booked. I offered myself to many people for babysitting. Haven't heard back from anyone. It's like high school all over again, except this time I'm not even trying to get a date.

I hope you have fun up there in the outside. I have your DS. It reminds me of you. It also reminds me of Rune Factory. I'm going to play that now and hold back the impending loneliness of an empty bed.

I miss you. I'm hungry too. But I need to make sure my stock of food lasts.

40. My Partner's a Nerd

Well, it's been a long time since I posted something, but Debs got a song to me just yesterday, and I was very happy to get in a GLN for June. :D  Yay!  Thanks Debs!


My Partner's a Nerd

MP3 Download


Look at this junk.
It's such a mess.
Collecting such stuff causing me distress.
Wouldn't you think he would stop.
Once he had everything?
Look at this room.
Feels like a tomb.
You'd think the guy's never heard of a broom.
Looking around here you'd think,
"Wow, he collects everything."
He's got comics and consoles a-plenty.
Star Wars figures and also decor.
Creepy statues?
There's too many!
And this house,
Stuffed too full, but!
He wants more....

Wants a TV that's as big as a car
To hook up a game where he flails about, dancin'.
Jumping around with the - what do you call it?
Oh - Wii!

Invites smelly friends who are quite bizarre.
Going around quoting, yelling, ranting,
Playing some game called - what's that stupid thing?
D&D.

Up until the dawn, pumped on caffeine,
Playing all week with no thought to hygiene.
So I found out, there is no doubt,
My partner's a nerd.

Oh I have cried, "Let's go outside, we could go biking!
A walk in the park, before it was dark, that could be fun.
When you are done, with Star Trek reruns,
There's a trail I have found for hiking.
Still before noon, we could go soon.
I'll show you the sun!"

He grunts and he nods, and still plays his game.
Ask him my questions but get no answers.
What's otaku and why does he - what's the term -
Cosplay?

All night and day!
More of the same, he is oblivious to all shame.
And what's more you see,
He's ADHD.
My partner's a nerd.

39. Facebook Song

Vix and I have been trying to get this song sung for months now, and we finally got it going! Huzzah! This is a parody of Elton John's song, "Don't Go Breaking My Heart". I'm just singing it an octave lower. :D

Don't Go Stalking My Wall

MP3 Download

Girl: Don't go stalking my wall
Boy: I wasn't on it this time!
Girl: You seem to post every minute
Boy: Just checking if you're online

Girl: Don't go stalking my wall
Boy: I tell you it wasn't me
Girl: My friends all think you are weird
Boy: Well I disagree

Together: Ooo-ooo
Girl: Just leave me alone
Boy: I need you around
Girl: You're such a clown

Together: Oooo-ooo
Girl: Nobody knows you!
Boy: But right from the start
Girl: You've been stalking nonstop
Girl: Wo--oh so leave me alone.

Girl: Don't want you stalking my wall
Boy: I am not stalking your wall!
Together: Don't go/I'm not stalking your wall!

Girl: I thought I already told you
Boy: I didn't do nothing wrong!
Girl: You're creeping me out quite a lot
Boy: Can't we just get along?

Boy: I think you misunderstand me
Girl: I understand it quite fine
Boy: You set my heart all aflame.
Girl: I don't even know you.

Together: OOooo
Girl: Why did I befriend you
Boy: You're pic is real hot
Girl: And guess what, you're not.

Together: ooo - ooo
Girl: Don't want to know you
Boy: Just give me a chance
Girl: I'm sorry I can't
Girl: Woh - oh: Just leave me alone.

Girl: We are no longer friends
Boy: Oh look you're on MSN!
Together: Don't go/I'm not stalking your wall!

38. Ten Years of Dove

10 Years of Dove

And loving every minute of it.

Oh, and if you must know, it's Starcraft's 10 year anniversary too.

37. My Motivation

Obay Viral Campaign

This isn't a love note, but hey, I have to post it somewhere.  

So there is this viral campaign happening in Toronto.  You can read a sensational blog posting here.  From what I hear, it's from some college to keep parents from pulling a Dead Poet Society on their kids.

I couldn't resist.

36. Give Up Abstinence For Lent

There is no challenge too difficult that I would not undertake for you.

http://www.local6.com/news/15338180/detail.html

35. Song - That's The Way

Allo Dove!

As I write this, it is 12:04 am, February 14th, 2008. It's our anniversary, and instead of me being upstairs wishing you a happy anniversary, I am down on the computer preferring the cold plastic touch of the keyboard to your warm skin.

It's amazing you gave your consent when I asked you to marry me.

And so, because I am cheap and find it impractical to buy gifts which will die in a few weeks, I remade the song I sang to you when I first proposed. I originally was going to get Andrew, Randy and Mark to play... but we ran out of time. Especially since I could only record on the one night of the week you were away.

So I started doing 3 part harmony for the chorus as an echo, and then it ballooned into a pitchy, out of tune, acapella piece.

There are 8 of me singing in this song. That, in itself, chills me.

Here's to 9 wonderful years, even the frightening parts where you were really mad at me. :D

I love you.


That's The Way



MP3 Download

I met a girl her name was Keren
Her hair was blonde, and her face was red,
And I don't mean flesh tone like, I mean truly, cherry red...
So blindingly scarlet her blonde eyebrows would stick out...

(That's the way)
That's the way I love my Dove
(That's the way)
That's the way I love my Dove
(That's the way)
That's the way I love my Dove
With red face.

She has lots of hair on her arms...
Compared to my face, much more than I've ever had.
She doesn't like to wear shoes...
But when she does, her feet smells somethin bad..

(But that's the way)
That's the way I love my Dove
(That's the way)
That's the way I love my Dove
(That's the way)
That's the way I love my Dove
With no shoes.

But those feet, I'd kiss every day
And those arms, I long to embrace me
And her face, there's nothing I'd rather see,
than to see her smile!

That's the way I love my Dove
(ooooo, that's the way)
That's the way I love my Dove
(that's the way)
That's the way I love my Dove
Just as she is...
Just as she is
Just as you are



And now, I can keep myself logged in to Gmail. I constantly feared you were reading all my email as I talked about this with the band. I had been planning this for weeks. It's hard not talking about these exciting things with you because you're the person I really wanted to tell.

Thanks to the rest of you for putting up with me as I went on and on about this song I did. Of course, I guess I go on and on about all sorts of things. For instance, I can't wait for CJ7 to come out. 2008 is like movie heaven. I hope Ponyo will be released the same year in North America, but I highly doubt it. *sigh*

34. Song - Buy Me Harvest Moon

Keren and I both love this song, and here I go and destroy it. But it was incredibly fun to sing regardless. :D

This was surprisingly easy for me to put up though. In total, it was probably an hour, to come up with the words and then sing it.



Buy Me Harvest Moon



MP3 Download

Buy me Harvest Moon
And we can play for many hours
You can harvest crops in spring and
Even plant some flowers
This is a game, you will like
This is a game, catered for you

A DS bought for you
So you can play forevermore
I'll get you Sudoku games
And for me: Advanced Wars
So many games - are for two
And in this way - I'll be with you

Many games are casual
Not just for the hardcore
We can sit together
More than I could have hoped for
So many games are for two
And in this way - And in this way - I'll be with you

33. Because I Can...

http://www.cafepress.com/glns

32. Song: Give All To You

Give All To Ya



MP3 Download


So many things that I have stored
From graphic novels to ninja swords
But you don't really care for that stuff, do you?
I don't know how to buy you gifts
You like strange things, but here forthwith
All I have is yours, I'll give it to ya

Give it to ya, all stuff to ya
Here's a katana, Give it to ya

Your tastes are foreign, I find it tough
Finding you presents good enough
Make mistakes when I don't buy gifts through you;
Tried buying clothes for you to wear
It didn't fit they began to tear
You smiled and patted my head. I'm such a loser.

Not a good suitor, What to buy ya?
Need a tutor, Such a loser

I tried to spice up the decor
You entered the room and then went for the door
I used to live with slobs before I knew you
Removed my posters I had before
Of movies, anime, geek stuff galore,
Cleaned up the room and that was all just for you

All just for ya. Used a hoover
And pooper scoopers, All just for ya

My room was something I'd never leave
Nature and sunlight were my pet peeves
But I went into the light to get to you
And remember when I moved outside
I did not shrivel, I did not die
And every breath I took was fresh and new

Outside with ya, I'm a late bloomer
It is brighter outside with ya

What do you like, I don't know
Exhausted ideas long ago
I've nothing left to give, I think, to you
But all the time I spend online
All night gaming, I will decline
We'll spend it all together, spend time with you

Spend time with ya, it's all for ya
So much cooler, You are super

You are better than my computer,
My dream come true-a, Give myself too ya.

31. We're So Alike!

You like snowy days because it's pretty.
I like snowy days because it reminds me of Hoth.
We have so much in common!
...
And AT-AT's are cool.

30. I Want a Cool Theme Song

If I could be a superhero, I would want a "Make Dove Happy" superpower. And adamantium claws, because they're cool. And with my trusty Squirrel sidekick, we'd rid the city of dishonest parking cops and dog owners that don't clean up poo. Oh, I want kung fu powers too. And a light sabre. Maybe light sabre adamantium claws. That'd be way cool.

29. Song: Greatest Canadian Zero

This is... kinda off. I mean, a lot more than the other ones I've been singing in. One reason is that it's too high for me. The second is that I did it at 10:45pm and I didn't want to do too many takes else I'd wake up my kids.

But I'm willing to embarass myself for my love... which really doesn't hold much weight because I'll embarass myself for any old reason... but this one is for love. Trust me.


Greatest Canadian Zero



MP3 Download

Look there is not much to me.
In life I'm a low beta male
Spending my weekends alone on the web
A loser just ready to fail.

But believe it or not, I met a real girl
She even wants to hang out with me
Finding a girl is exceedingly rare.
Who was she?
Believe it or not, she's lovely.

Her smile would brighten my day.
A feat only Reddit could do.
Breaking me out of my basement dwelling
Making my real life wishes come true

Believe it or not, I dated a girl
I never thought it would ever be
(No longer) Pining away alone in despair
Who could foresee? Believe it or not, she likes me.

Made this mp3. Because believe it or not, she likes me.

28. Marwaige

I for one welcome my new female overlord.

Song: Commodore 64

Well, this is not a love note, at least, not to Dove. It's a song I recorded today. I wrote the words a few days ago, and just had to sing it now that I have my new Fast Track. :D


Commodore 64



MP3 Download

Just take those old floppies off the shelf
I'll load them up and play them by myself
Todays gaming ain't got the same soul
I like my Commodore 64
Don't try and give me a nintendo
You'll never get me trying other consoles
I don't care if it's the latest Halo
I like my Commodore 64

Still like my Commodore 64
That kind of gaming just soothes the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With my Commodore 64

Don't need your funky multi button controls
For Last Ninja or even Alter Ego
Can also play Usagi Yojimbo
All on my Commodore 64
Call me a relic playing Ultima 3
You can't beat Mule, Elite, or even Bruce Lee
Today's games aint got the same soul
I like that Commodore 64

Still like that Commodore 64
That kind of gaming just soothes my soul
I still play Mule, Maniac Mansion and more
All on my Commodore 64

Still like that Commodore 64
That kind of gaming just soothes the soul
Racing Construction Set, Space Taxi and more
I like my Commodore 64

Still like that Commodore 64
That kind of gaming just soothes the soul
Impossible Mission, Archon, Wasteland and more
With my Commodore 64

Still like that Commodore 64
That kind of gaming just soothes the soul
Below the Root, the Epyx games and more
Just love my Commodore 64

Can't beat the Commodore 64....

27. Pixelicious Beauty

Errol needs Dove badly.

(Thanks to Jeff Rankine)

26. Online Chatting

HUZZAH! Finally, I received my M-Audio Podcast Factory! Now I can record songs with abandon! I can't tell you how pleased I am! This next song there are four of us! Vic is singing with me this time, but Debs is doing backup vocals, as well as some guy named Matt who Debs won't even tell me the last name of for me to give him proper credit! But thanks Matt!

I apologize in advanced for the last part, where I'm doing vile things to the cat. My falsetto is awful.

Online Chats


MP3 Download


Online chatting, while playing Starcraft
Online chatting, time passing fast
I met a girl, she talked to me
Met a boy, polite as could be
Surfin days driftin' away, to uh - oh those online chats

Uh Well-a well-a well-a huh
Tell me more, tell me more
Does she live very far?
Tell me more, tell me more
Does he know where you are?
Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh

She webcammed me, she's really hot
He would spam me, begged quite alot
Asked her if, she gamed online
He showed off, his web designs
Surfing fun, something's begun, but uh - oh those online chats

Uh well-a well-a well-a huh
Tell me more, tell me more
Was it love at first chat?
Tell me more, tell me more
Does she know that your fat?
Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh

We went trolling, on message boards
Likes Wii bowling, won lots of awards
She's on Youtube, she really rocks
We shared notes, in Google Docs
Surfing flings, don't mean a thing, but uh - oh, those online chats

Uh well-a well-a well-a huh
Tell me more, tell me more
So what's her username?
Tell me more, tell me more
Cos he sounds really lame
shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop,
shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, YEH

He was friendly, sang me a tune
So we looked, for a private chat room
Tried to flirt, with cheesy come-ons
Well we got busy, with emoticons
Woah!
Surfin heat, boy and girl meet, but uh-oh those online chats

Woo, woo, woo
Tell me more, tell me more Was your heart all a whirl?
Tell me more, tell me more
Are you sure she's a girl?

We grew busy, that's where it ends
So we made sure, we're Facebook friends
Then we made our true love vow
Wonder if, we'll meet in WOW
Surfin dreams, ripped at the seams, bu-ut ... oh, those o--online... cha-ats....

Tell me more, tell me more!

25. I'm A Hotty

University was tough and so was high school.
I never was in, I never was cool.
But now we are hot! Of the crop, we're the cream.
As all my geek interests are suddenly mainstream.
And the offers are coming in gruesome detail
As they vie for attention, at least through email.
Some want to show pics, some just want to chat!
Some are russion guys, now what's up with that?
But I have one thing to say to each futile submission,
Only you have root access to my heart's permissions.

(With thanks to Thebes)

24. G33K Parade

There, but for you, go I.

Thanks to GeekStudent.com

23. You're Number One

Our love, to me, is quite divine
And is so like a number prime.
It's divisors are only two
That's our love, just me and you.

22. A Bottomless Container Filled with Flesh...

I get morose when you aren't on MSN.

21. n(n+1)/2 Lovely Things About Dove Where n=10

Ten Things About Dove

1. Likes peanut-butter and onion sandwiches
   
2. Has bright magenta moles
3. Has cute toes
4. Likes top-down shooter games
5. Is fascinated by squirting pus
6. Hasn't seen Star Wars
7. Washes people's feet on a weekly basis
8. Does sudoku in pen
9. Serial fish killer
10. Puts the passion in compassion

Nine Ways to Win Dove Over

1. Give her those brightly coloured plants that have that pungent, perfumy odour
2. Go outside into the harsh environment, even if you don't need to
   
3. Dim Sum
4. Don't take her to Futureshop
5. Pho
6. Turn the lights so low that you can't see anything but you still have to stay in the room
7. Thai
8. Take her to a restaurant so she can listen to other people besides her husband
9. Asian food in general

Eight Ways to Annoy Dove

1. Place her in traffic
2. Give her tepid milk
3. Place your feces anywhere but in the toilet
   
4. Play Starcraft for long periods of time
5. Make her learn kung fu
6. Cover the floor with vaseline as an impromptu skating rink
7. Randomly place articles of clothing about the house and then...
8. Invite 75 people over to her house as a surprise

Seven Things She Wants to Do Before She Dies

1. Live
   
2. Watch her children grow old and move out of the house
3. Visit Crete
4. See her husband go camping
5. Learn the cello
6. Meet Patrick Dempsey
7. Open a teahouse

Six Things Dove Needs to Get

1. A Masseuse
   
2. Cable
3. Jeans that are normal
4. A husband that ventures outside
5. Someone to discipline the children
6. A Macbook Pro to give her husband

Five Things Dove Is Afraid Of

1. Mice
   
2. Rats
3. Small furry things that resemble rodents
4. Pictures of mice
5. Accompanying her husband to a video store for three hours 

Four Things In Dove's Room

1. A closet which lacks the pole thingy to hold up dresses which have been relocated to the spare room and is now causing stress
   
2. Her husbands clothes... on the floor... causing stress
3. A red sheet thingy that goes on top of the bed for some reason
4. Pillows which are not used for sleeping but are for display on a made bed ...impractical use of a pillow, if you ask me

Three Thing Dove Does Daily

1. Take care of kids
   
2. Be loved
3. Look beautiful

Two Things Dove Wants to Do Right Now

1. Sleep
   
2. Watch Grey's Anatomy

One Confession

Her husband loves all things about her

20. I'm Glad We Linked Up

Seeing you is more exhilarating than seeing a Great Fairy's Fountain when I'm down to half a heart.