Sunday, January 11, 2009

53. I can't stop...

So, I made you a webpage:

Because just one page cannot express the full range of love that I feel for you. I doubt the whole internet could contain it, but that's one of its shortfalls.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

50. Happy Birthday Dove!

Well, other husbands may give roses, or spa coupons, or wonton feral jungle passion, but here's a song I wrote for you.

I came up with it a bit after my last song for you, but I didn't know how I would have it arranged. So I sent it to Debs who did a piano rendition. She added a chord in for me which I kept. Then I got busy. Last week I got Jeff in, and he played around with it on his guitar, and I would have recorded it, but my Fasttrack was acting up.

So this past weekend, I got Mark to come in with his Emu, and we recorded an acoustic guitar and a bass. Of course, he had to get back for dinner party, so we couldn't spend a wack of time on it. And that night, I invited people over for boardgames, so I couldn't spend lots of time on the vocals.

So I sent the rough draft to Andrew to do drums. He returned it to me at 2am in the morning, poor guy . Of course, it wasn't a separate track, but the whole song, with my tinny, out of tune vocals.

So... that is my excuse for this song. But I still like it. :D

I love you.

No One Wants Me Anyway

You had guys they were heart throbs
You loved them but they did too
Proclaimed their love but lacked faithfulness
How many did you go through?

But you gave up on the alpha male
And chose me a guy ignored
Gave me a chance I'm not half bad
Despite the fact I seem hardcore

You will never have to worry
No one ever looks my way
I will remain true and steadfast
No one wants me anyway

I will always be with you
True and faithful I will be
Our lives are intertwined forever
No one else would have me
So you'll have all of me

We were just friends, my lot in life
About your boys you would confide
I'd hear complaints, they were boorish
Had no commitment, or they lied

But you knew I wouldn't do that
Took a while for this admission
What's there to lose, except your dignity.
It's not like you'd have competition

No one gives me second glances
No one will steal me away
I'll stick by you, I'm here forever
No one wants me anyway

I will always be with you
True and faithful I will be
Our lives are intertwined forever
No one else will have me

So you'll have all of me.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

49. How I Met Dove

People ask me this question. So I've made this video. And I haven't come home yet, and Dove is probably wondering where I am. Sorry Dove. But I wanted to get this out before August was out so it looks like I at least try to follow the monthly posts.

Monday, July 28, 2008

48. I Love You But I'm Ugly

I was in the bathroom doing Number 1 while a canto-pop song pulsed through the speakers. And I came up with a song. An actual original song. But then we went Ottawa, and I had no recording equipment or even a computer to figure out words or anything. It was brutal trying to remember the song. I was hoping to make it sound a bit canto-poppy, but it went through a variety of iterations and in the end, I thought I should make it sound like an 80's song, because that's just me. Garageband is great, it's like made to make 80's songs.

I was going to pull in some other musicians to help me, but I just wanted to get it done so I completed it in about four hours. It would have been quicker if I wasn't watching Bill Cosby youtube vids at the same time.

I Love You But I'm Ugly

MP3 Download

All was pretty simple
Got used to being rejected
Life in parent's basement
Was a fate I'd accepted

And then I met you
So lovely and kind
Gave me the time of day
Took me by surprise

I love you, but I'm ugly
Can't talk to girls, else they'd mace me.
I love you, but I'm ugly
Thanks for the lovely smile.

They said that I was too nice
They said I made a great friend and brother
They'd hang up if I'd call them
I was a nuisance and bother

But I talked to you
No furtive glances to your watch
I talked to you
The furthest I have ever got

I love you, but I'm ugly
I'd wear a burqa, to hide what you see
I love you, but I'm ugly
Thanks for the lovely talk.

Would try to ask a girl out
Be embarrassed by their derision
They say that love is blind.
But girls I met had 20/20 vision

And then I met you
I didn't even understand
Why you'd be with me
You'd even let me hold your hand

I love you, but I'm ugly
Don't even know how you could face me
I love you, but I'm ugly
Thanks just for being there

I love you, but I'm butt ugly
Shocked by your kindness, you smiled at me
I know I love you, and I'm homely
I'm glad you have bad taste.
And here I found my perfect place
Thanks for your love and grace

Thursday, July 17, 2008

47. Alone: Day 7 - Almost there. Stay on Target

July, Thursday.  10:52

As I mentioned before, the Disselkoens packed me a lunch because they are aware that I am pathetic without you.  It was corn.  And steak.  I love that family.

You come home tomorrow.  

I just finished my thursday ritual of playing DS games with Dan.   You know what he said when he first came in?  Do you know what he said?  What he said garners a bolding and italicizing, although I draw the line at all-caps.  He said, "I see you've been cleaning up."  This is important because I didn't start cleaning up the living room.  Just goes to show, that men don't notice mess.  In fact, if there is only one or two articles of things on the floor, then that's considered clean.

So when the guys come over for boardgames, or video games, or meat, remember that the house is fine as it is!  Honest!  When they enter the house, the last thing that enters their head is, "I sure wish this place was cleaner."  The first thing that enters their head when they come in is probably, "Wow, Errol sure has a hot wife." 

I probably should explain a few more things in the blog before you come home, just in case you read this before I get home.  So, the compost bucket has been sitting in it's little pool of bleach for the last few days, so I couldn't use it.  Thus, those buns that Anne gave you are still in that plastic container.  I didn't want to take them out, because that probably would have made things worse for the buns.  Or at least worse for me.  I didn't want to leave them in a bag, because the bags are not transparent, and thus if anything were to start... uh... moving in, I wouldn't notice it until later.  And I don't want that to happen.  Yet again.

But if they were trapped inside a plastic container, then I could see!  And then I could put them in a plastic bag, and then repopulate the freezer with dead bodies.  See?  It all makes sense.

So the buns have been slowly growing in that container.  Dan came over and was pretty disgusted by the buns.  Then just to check out how I was faring, he checked the coffee machine too. 

Am I under adjudication or something?  Was there a test I was unaware of?  Why are we checking all these things?

Ya, he was pretty grossed out by the coffee machine too.  I say Bailey's cures all.  I didn't have any yesterday.  Didn't have any today.  I think I'm in withdrawal.  

Some woman keeps on calling about Ekko's evaluation thing.  Oh, and Paul Grant called too.  So... check the messages.  I know I'll forget to tell you when I finally get to see you guys.

Other than that, things have been uneventful.  You come back tomorrow, and I have survived.  It's been a good week.  But I'm lonely.

I love you, and I'll see you tomorrow.  Can't wait to spank the kids.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

46. Alone: Day 6 - Steak over boardgames

Wednesday. July. 11pm

You know, dates don't stick with me very well. When I watch a movie, or play an adventure game, and they scroll the date across the screen because it's important, I immediately forget the date. When I was playing Phoenix Wright, I knew it was October of some date, but I never knew exactly. So I'd forget if the murder was yesterday, or the day before. These were crucial facts in the case.

It's like some mental block I have. Maybe it's because I couldn't get any dates in high school. Nor in university. Not that we have to revisit that.

I hope I have underwear tomorrow. I'm running low on that too.

I forgot to mention that I remembered garbage day yesterday. That means our bugs finally went to a better place. At least, a better place for me, not for them.

Oh, I woke up quite late this morning. It was about 8:40. I took a shower in about 8 minutes. That's *really* good for me. And then I biked to work immediately. That meant no breakfast, no lunch making, no house cleaning.

... Seems there's never any time for housecleaning.

But there is a happy ending to this story! Work bought lunch and it was Thai food. I don't know why they bought lunch, but I'm not one for questioning gifts and I heartily ate the food.

I've been doing a good job at keeping the weight down too! What with eating soup every day. But today, that pattern was broken, because of the Thai food, and the Disselkoens fed me steak. In fact, they had lots of it, and packed a lunch for me.

Now, do I really sound that pitiful and incompetent?


Of course, I *am* quite happy about the steak, and food. So... sure. I'm geek enough to admit that I fail at life. Feed me meat.

I need a sign. "Please feed the geek. He likes crackers, apples, and steak."

I think about you a lot, you know. And just to prove it, here is a transcript that I had with tech support. I love tech support chats now. Instead of waiting on hold on a telphone, you can wait on a chat screen. And the best thing is, they're usually quick! Just tonight, I was on with Rogers for a password reset, and it was quick and easy.

Of course, the one at work took a long time to come on. So I used that time to talk. About me. And you. Well, ok, mostly about me. But you do want to know what I do at work sometimes.

Oh cool, that blockquote thingy shows up in facebook import. Wild.

Hmmm, that got a couple red underlines for misspelling. That reminds me of Ekko. I miss you girls. *sigh*

Anyway, here's the transcript. This is why I like tech support chats so much:

Errol: Still cannot log into admin console
* Welcome Errol! Your request has been directed to the Hosted Exchange Support department. Please wait for our operator to answer your call.
* **SYSTEM MESSAGE** We are sorry, all of our Agents are currently assisting other customers - Please wait until the next Agent becomes available and accepts your chat request. You do not need to remain on this window if an Agent does not become available within the next few minutes. You may close this window at any time, and a Support Engineer will contact you at the phone number and/or email address provided when you requested this chat session.

Errol: Oh well, while I wait, I'll explain the problem. :)
Errol: I'm trying to log into the admin console.
Errol: I'm in IE 7.
Errol: Yesterday, I get the error as indicated by the file I uploaded. It's a white prompt box, with no indication what the error is.
Errol: I log onto customer support chat, and wait for a few hours. Nothing. So I try again a few hours later, and it works! Good!
Errol: Then I try to log on this morning, and I get the same problem. White box.
Errol: So I log onto customer support chat, and someone is there, Huzzah! His name is Chester (am), and he has a nice pic on the header graphic. That's pretty brave if you ask me. I'm glad I'm not part of a support team which has to show your pic. People would run if they saw mine.
Errol: Anyway, he tells me to install the proper java. I acquiesce, despite the fact that I despise java and I need to have multiple versions of the thing for the variety of java applets that companies seem to run and they all think you need THEIR specific version of Java.
Errol: It's like .NET. That's why I despise .NEt. I don't want to install an 80 meg program so that I can get a 1 meg program to work... unless I used an older version of .NET.
Errol: Heck, Delphi can do it without any .dlls, why can't Microsoft do it?
Errol: At least with flash, everything is backwards compatible, and you just load the latest version and things WORK.
Errol: Speaking of Adobe, the latest reader is such a bloated piece of software it drives me mad just thinking about it. I want to read a pdf, I don't want it to play songs and dance for me. Why in the world is it so large?
Errol: ....
Errol: Sorry, I am digressing in a big way.
Errol: Anyway, I DO install the latest Java, that he sent me a link to, off of your website, and I uninstall the old java (1.4 because I needed it for another application, as I've ranted) and this of course requires me to reboot. I hate java.
Errol: (Woops, wrong order. I uninstall, reboot, and then reinstall. Don't want to make you guys think I did it in the wrong order and do the whole process again.)
Errol: And unfortuneatly, I get the same problem. Try to log in, and white blank screen.
Errol: ...
Errol: I wept.
Errol: ...
Errol: And thus concludes my sordid tale.
Errol: ...
Errol: I like customer support chats. Mailny because I don't have to wait on the phone. I hate the phone too.
Errol: I never answer the phone now. The phone world has been taken over by telemarketers. So I never answer it at dinner time. But they've clued in. Sometimes, they call at breakfast.
Errol: Around 8:45am. What's up with that? Don't they know some people WORK at 9:00?
Errol: Of course, why am I still at home at 8:45? Because it's a short commute.
Errol: And I bought an electric bike. It's brilliant. I only have about 8km to go and it was a waste of very expensive gas to drive, so I bought a cheap electric bike at Canadian Tire.
Errol: You don't even need to pedal. Of course, I need the exercise, but it's not a way for me to get fit; it's an alternative transport device.
Errol: And it is perfect for that. Since it takes about $80 CAD to fill up my vehicle, I finally decided to stop driving the thing.
Errol: And I also charge the bike at work, so I don't even use my electricity. I'm that cheap. It lasts for 30km. Even during the weekend, I don't charge it. :D
Errol: ...
Errol: But the van is being used by my fam currently. They went up north on vacation. So I'm currently wifeless and kidless for almost a week.
Errol: My days have consisted of working, eating soup, and playing games.
Errol: Video games, boardgames. It's been pretty sweet.
Errol: A descent into geek bachelorhood of the most awful proportions.
Errol: It's been lonely though, like high school all over again. But at least this time I'm not spurned by the oppositie sex. Well... that's not true. I AM spurned, but I'm not trying to get noticed by them this time.
Errol: So soon my girl will return home and the magic sink will hopefully start working again.
Errol: It broke. Coincidentally with my wife's departure. I think she broke it on purpose.
Errol: ...
Errol: I hope you guys haven't forgotten what my problem was. I need to get in because I have to change an alias for a client.
Errol: ...
Errol: *sigh*
Errol: ...
Errol: Here's another question. The only reason I ever go into IE7 is for your admin console. Can I use Firefox 3 instead now? Or am I stuck with IE7.
Errol: I could rant about IE and microsoft more, but that's like bombing fish in a bucket.
Errol: ...
Errol: Just for fun, I'll try logging in again. Just to see if it starts working.
Errol: ...
Errol: Nope...
Errol: Why can't it at least have an obscurely worded error message hinting that a possible solution is in sight? It may have nothing to do with what is actually wrong, but at least I can google it... and verify the only thing I need to do is wait for customer support.
Errol: *sigh*
Errol: ...
Errol: I'm trying to win "Most Words Typed in Customer Support Chat" Award.
Errol: If I win, I hope to get a asus eeepc.
Errol: I like to write, and this would be perfect for writing sessions.
Errol: (See what I did there?)
Errol: ...
Errol: Just saw Josh Whedon's "Dr. Horrible" last night.
Errol: Seems every geek is wanting to see this thing. Server was overloaded. I found a message about changing the local host file.
Errol: Of course, I've done it on a *nix box, and a PC, but never on a mac, which is my home machine.
Errol: And although I like how Macs just work, if your used to just editing a simple host file, doing it with their thingy is pretty convoluted.
Errol: Not that hard... but... I just wanted to VI something quickly.
* Call accepted by Giannina.
Errol: Regardless, it worked, and I got to see what all the fuss was about. And I liked it! It's funny. I wouldn't pay...
Giannina: Hello, it will be my pleasure to assist you today. Please give me just a few seconds while I pull your account information and we will get started! Just a moment please.
Errol: Uh oh... you're here...
Errol: Uh... ignore all that up there...
Giannina: give me some time to read your input please :-)
Errol: Allo Giannina!
Giannina: oh ok
Errol: I'm trying to log into the Admin Console
Errol: I get the error as indicated by the file I uploaded.
Errol: Which... is no error at all.
Giannina: I saw that
Errol: I had the problem yesterday...and it went away
Errol: and then I had the problem again today
Giannina: question , what version of Java are you using?
Errol: I spoke to Chester (am).
Errol: And he told me to put in the version of Java on mailstreet's server
Giannina: correct that is your best option
Errol: SO I uninstalled the old version I had (for another app)
Giannina: ok
Errol: which of course required a reboot
Errol: *sigh*
Giannina: ok
Errol: and then installed the latest version
Errol: And I get the same error
Errol: ...
Errol: and much weeping occurred after that.
Errol: So I came back here!
Errol: And you don't have a pic up! Unlike Chester (am)
Errol: He had his pic up. :D
Giannina: :-) yes I know
Errol: That would be daunting, having your pic displayed for tech support.
Errol: I wouldn't want that. :D
Errol: So if you can choose NOT to have your pic up. That would be my default choice!
Giannina: me neither
Errol: Those two are brave men.
Giannina: lol
Errol: There was another guy for (PM)
Errol: I forgot his name, because I only talked to Chester (AM)
Errol: Anyway, back to my problem.
Errol: I just want to log in to fix a problem with an alias...
Giannina: well I'll be happy to fix your issue
Errol: Huzzah!
Errol: ... Did you need anything from me to fix the problem?
Giannina: not yet
Errol: Okeydoke...
Errol: ...
Errol: I can chat to myself some more if that helps pass the time.
Errol: ... for me that is.
Errol: I'm kidding. I'll wait quietly.

45. Alone: Day 5 - A taste of spice in a bland diet

July Tuesday, 12am

I am now the master of the TTC. The stranglehold of fear the Toronto thingy had over me has been vanquished. All it took was a little time, a little care, and the determination to get to games.

Last night was gaming night at Aaron's, which was great because I haven't gone for about 3 weeks.

For all three of you that are reading these accounts, I don't play games every day! ... Well, I don't play boardgames every day, unlike the last 4 days. And today. Nor do I drink Bailey's every night. Unlike the last 4 nights.

And tonight.

I had three glasses of the stuff. Straight. On ice. Which is nothing like Disney on ice. Less princesses.

Remember, these are pitiful coping mechanisms of a man fighting for survival against the forces of chaos in an uncaring and lonely world. Forces which his wife, armed only with competence and a keen, but beautiful mind, was able to vanquish day after day as the onslought continued.

Well, I guess if they were vanquished, they wouldn't come back. But this is a blog, not a literary masterpiece.

Lunch was cabbage soup. Supper was ramen noodle soup. No breakfast though. I didn't wake up early enough to get breakfast ready. The soy milk is running low, so I can't make oatmeal. I don't even know how to make it, actually. Yes, there are only two ingredients, but you have a touch that makes it good. I have a touch that makes it burned.

No one drank any of my Bailey's at games night. They're all young and hip over there. I show up in my workshirt with food stains. But I am a geek and I am proud.

Remember at the end of Empire Strikes back? Luke, hanging on for dear life off the bottom of cloud city, hand cut off, melodramatic and over acting. He is eventually rescued by Leia. But it's not over yet, it's only the 2nd in the trilogy. Poor Han is frozen in carbonite and captured by Boba Fett, but there is hope! Luke and Leia stare wistfully out into a star studded galaxy as the camera pans back to reveal the Rebel fleet.

No AT-AT's, though... but we got those at the beginning of the movie. AT-AT's are cool.

Anyway, the point is that this is a comparison to your phone call. I finally got a chance to talk to you, talk to Ekko, and not to Zoe because she was busy eating.

You told me of all the young and nubile men that are vying for your affection. I told you that the bird is on life support.

You did tell me of sausages though. I was quite pleased. The Case of the Mysterious Tinfoiled Package in the Freezer had been a tough one to crack. It had been bothering me for days. It was you who had the foresight to remember what was in it. And the mystery was solved! It was like the Hardy Boys. Well, you're female, so maybe more like the when the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew teamed up. Minus one guy. Which is good, because we'd be fighting over you.

Like the kids fight over the DS.

You know, there was a first iteration of this. I lost it in the great Safari crash of '08. This version is much, much, longer. I think I talked more about Star Wars in the last one. And rice.

I love you.

Well, what do you know! Here is the original note! I guess I didn't lose it after all. Since I spent a half an hour writing it, I'll include it here for fun. For the rest of you, don't read it. It's just a reiteration of the above. It just has more rice in it.

July Tuesday, 12am

I am the master of the Toronto Transit C... uh... what does the C stand for? Anyway, I used it tonight, and will use it tomorrow. I went to our chinese convenient store, bought some tickets, found out that they expire in a month, and then used a ticket to get on a bus.

I knew which bus to take! And I didn't get lost. It took me to the subway station, and instead of actually following the rote path I normally take when driving, I ignored caution as I do most commands you give me dealing with cleaning, and boldly got off at a different station.

Sure, I was disoriented, but I was not beaten! And I arrived at... yet another game night.

Er... I don't want to paint the wrong picture. It's not every day I play games. I mean, not every day other than the last five days. This is called a coping mechanism to deal with the fact the love of my life is off in the wilderness fending off wild men yearning for the chance to finally be alone with my wife.

And what does she have to worry about? That I feed the fish. Hardly fair, if you ask me.

Crums. Did I do that today? I think I did.

You called. A drop of sunshine in a dark foreboding pool of gloom. It's like when Luke is about to fall out of cloud city, but is rescued by Leia and Calrissian. It's not the end of the series, and Han Solo is frozen in carbonite and has been captured by Boba Fett, but there is a glimmer of hope as the heroes stare wistfully into the galaxy on the medical frigate.

I'm not looking wistfully at anything, but I am hungry. I just had ramen noodle soup for supper.

Fortunately, you called and told me about sausages. That's good to know. I fear making rice.

Rice gets me into trouble. It's rising in price, it seems to be a veritable breeding place for all sorts of moldy goodness, and it makes bathroom times a tad bit more difficult than it should be.

So the rice pot is sitting in the dish washer. I put pots in there too. Is there a reason we don't put pots in dish washers? We rarely do and I don't know why. Is it like not putting metal in microwaves? I doubt the effects would be as disastrous, but still . It's one of those things about kitchen survival that I am unaware of.

Oh, yes, I was going to tell you about my day. I worked, at soup, and played games.

I did drink bailey's too. Had it straight. In fact, had about 3 glasses of the stuff. Small glasses. With ice cubes. No one at Aaron's house wanted to drink any. I must be a really big loser in their eyes. Who brings Bailey's to games night? Other than me, for the last four days.

Good thing we have three bottles of the stuff. This is the most alcohol I've consumed in my life. You come back, I'm an alcoholic.